Leading With Prayer

Choosing to be gentle in the eye of the storm

My wife and I have been fighting.

Recent travel, family visiting, work demands, being parents...

There's been tension in the air at home.

But here’s the thing…

It hasn't been big blow ups. There’s been no shouting or slamming doors.

Instead, we've been short with each other over stupid stuff - like what to do for dinner.

But then last Tuesday happened...

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We tried to talk it out in bed.

And we made a little progress. But then things went south. Fast.

We spiraled into rehashing 5 random conversations from the day.

Misunderstandings on parenting, family plans, the house being a mess.

Frustrations. Hurt feelings. Forgotten promises.

And then it got worse...

---

I could hear it in her voice. And I glanced left to confirm...

Yep… heavy tears streaming down her face.

Old me would’ve doubled down.

I used to see this as a chance to pounce and "win" the argument.

More aggression. More force. More of me talking.

But something different happened this time…

A rush of guilt and fear washed over me, like an ocean wave smothering the sea shore.

My mind started to spiral…

I’m failing as a husband…

I’m incapable of rescuing my wife from this stress…

I’m the one causing her this stress…

I’m making things worse…

Thoughts of our family’s history of conflict, divorce and broken hearts attacked my mind, like a flurry of arrows launched over supposedly impenetrable castle walls.

And I realized a shitty reality:

Generational behavior was repeating itself in my master bedroom.

I sat silent for a moment.

Then I did something I’ve never done before…

---

I turned to my wife and asked, “Do you want to pray together?”

We’re new Christians.

We’ve prayed together a few times before.

But only when things were fine.

This was the first time I turned to shared prayer in the middle of the storm.

And so we started praying out loud together.

What happened next felt like a miracle…

---

Without saying anything, we kept releasing deep exhales with each prayer.

It was like our bodies were letting go of tension.

We sank 6 feet into the mattress as we asked God to help us show up better—for each other and our family.

I could feel my nervous system relax.

My aggression evaporated like cool rain off sun scorched asphalt.

Our frustrations weren't perfectly solved - but we were united in our desire for peace.

I glanced back over to look at my wife...

Her cheeks had dried up.

We kissed each other good night and shared "I love you"s - with new hope for tomorrow.

Colossians 3:19

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."