Peer Pressuring My Family To Do Big Things and Chase Their Dreams
Peer Pressuring My Family To Do Big Things and Chase Their Dreams
Tribal Vacation Victories outside the arena
I’m writing this on a flight from Boston to Colorado after spending 2 weeks with family in Rhode Island.
The trip had a lot of good things like family time and adventurous training for me.
But that’s not the point of this post.
I need to tell you about 2 huge LIFE wins for people in my family (that were downstream of the Tribal Mindset).
Here are the Ws:
My Brother in Law did his first Century Ride
My Father in Law picked up a hobby that’s been dormant for 2+ decades
Do Something Big
My BIL has been absorbing fitness and mindset gains through osmosis over the past 3-4 years.
Back in February, we were on a family trip when he asked me how he can take his steady progress to the next level.
My answer was simple:
“Get outside your comfort zone more.
Do something big.
Break your frame on what you’re capable of.”
Of course I think he should do a 70.3. I’ve been telling him that for years. But he’s not there (yet).
Anyway, he hit me up last month saying he wanted to do a Century Ride. He’s come up with a few of these personal challenges before. But this was by far the biggest one.
Some past ones have been…
25 mile ride into a 5 mile run
72 hour fast
(Still pending) running 7 miles to his golf course, playing a round (while walking and carrying his bag) and then running 7 miles home
But here’s the thing with these challenges.
I’ve noticed that my BIL has a tendency to give himself months and months of time to accomplish them.
And I told him back in February that while these challenges are good, I thought he could have done all of them the day he thought of them.
So when I was chatting with him before this trip, I brought up the Century Ride idea.
I wasn’t sure he’d bite on the urgency. But to my surprise, he was in.
He planned for a day of PTO and we arranged for our wives to handle the kiddos.
Tribal Law: Blocking off a full day to do something BIG creates an environment for identity shift
How The Ride Went Down
We had wheels spinning by 6 am and rode through crisp morning air along bumping and winding coastal roads, through farms and vineyards of Little Compton, RI.
We made a coffee shop pit stop right after mile 50 and got a fresh jolt of energy from a nitro cold brew and the blueberriest blueberry muffin I’ve ever had.
It was the kind of muffin that has those enormous sugar granules sprinkled on top, a clear sign of baking artistry (and muffin quality).
I crushed mine in 24 seconds before we refilled our waters and headed out for the back half of our ride.
By this point, it was nearing 10 am and the crisp morning air was a distant memory.
The sun had shifted from being a supportive source of energy for our morning push, eye-level on the ocean’s horizon, to an opposing force beating down on us from above.
The humidity was rising and we could feel sweat rushing down every part of our body that had a fraction of vertical angle (shins, arms, forehead, neck, spine).
The thing about a Century Ride is there’s rarely ever a single point where you get smacked in the face by the challenge. It wears on you over time, quietly and relentlessly getting 1% harder with each segment of road, for hours.
Then out of nowhere, you realize, “Fuck, this is long. I’m tired. I’m losing steam. I wish I was done.”
And you have to keep going.
This is where Champion Mindsets are made.
Being A Hero For Your Kids
The final 15 miles were a grind. But we just kept moving forward. And we got it done.
The best part of the whole ride was the finish.
But not just because it was over…
We turned the corner on to our street and into the driveway and were surprised by the whole family out on the porch, cheering for us as we finished.
My BIL’s wife and two kids, plus Chels and Jack Jack and my MIL.
My BIL’s two year old son was out there jumping, clapping, cheering and screaming all kinds of praise that I only heard as: “Dad, you did it!! You are my hero!!”
Do big things. Move quickly. Take action in front of others.
So What’s Next?
My BIL texted me the next morning and said: “Dude, I feel unbelievable. I thought I was going to be dead.”
I texted him back: “This is the magic of the bike.”
We were together later that day. I had to ask him, “So what’s next?”
He said he felt like he had momentum and wanted to raise the bar. He said, “That can’t just be it.”
He was speaking my language. And his plan is to run his first marathon this fall.
Set a big goal.
Take action, struggle, endure, come out different on the other side
Do it all again
This is the way.
Redeye Reality Check
My Father in Law picked me up from the Boston Airport at 7 am on Tuesday, July 23rd.
I was fresh off my first redeye and in desperate need of coffee and sunlight.
Boston was only offering one.
We stopped at Dunkin and settled into our 90 minute ride from the Boston Airport to drop me at the family beach house in Portsmouth, RI.
I sipped my too-hot coffee in the passenger seat and starred into an uninspiring abyss of gray, cloud covered skies and construction and rush hour induced traffic.
After getting 2 hours of “I don’t think I actually slept” sleep on my flight, I hoped the searing heat of the coffee would give me a jolt of energy.
No luck.
My mindset was struggling as I bounced between wondering why I thought a redeye was a travel hack and resenting northeast weather.
Stuck Overserving Others
After exchanging typical post-travel pleasantries, my FIL got to telling me about how he’s been stressed, overwhelmed and stuck running around with a million different projects in life.
Here’s a short list of what he’s been up to:
Renovating his son’s house multiple nights per week (for the last 4 years)
Renovating his own basement at the same time
A recent weekend spent building an outdoor shower for a neighbor
Travel to Tennessee and Virginia for work and weddings
Oh and a guy down the street has a business that he’s interested in bringing my FIL in on as a partner.
Now here’s something you need to know about my FIL.
He’s obsessed with airplanes.
He watches flight simulations on YouTube for fun. He reads airplane manuals before bed.
Any time an airplane flies overhead his attention darts upward like a dog who just heard the treat jar open on the counter above.
And he used to fly planes himself. He always talks about how he loves to fly.
His dream of returning to flying is crystal clear. I’ve heard him say it a dozen times.
He wants to…
rent a small plane
load he and my Mother in Law’s bikes in the back
fly to Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard
bike for the day
grab lunch (and perhaps a cocktail)
fly home
Sounds amazing. And I want to see him do it.
When “Yes” Means “No”
Well as our conversation ping-ponged between his dreams and his (nightmare?) day to day reality, he brought up the idea of buying a foreclosure house and renovating it for his two other kids.
At this point, half my Dunkin coffee was down and the caffeine was willing my mind out of my post-redeye malaise of exhaustion.
My emotional energy had sputtered above completely empty to at least having the gas light on.
And I shot him straight:
“Julian, I’ve known you for 10 years and you haven’t flown a plane once.
You’re telling me how overwhelmed you are with all these projects you’re taking on.
Yet now you’re looking at a NEW project that is going to be the exact same thing.
Every time you say YES to one of these projects, you’re saying NO to flying.
I’m starting to think you don’t actually like airplanes!!!”
He laughed and said, “You’re making too much sense!!”
Imagine if I constantly told you how much I liked riding my bike. But I never rode my bike.
At some point, I would hope somebody would grab me by the shoulders, look me dead in the eye and violently shake me saying… “Dude, what the fuck! Go ride your bike!”
Tribal Observation: sometimes we need support and encouragement to pursue our dreams
Now here’s the best part.
He dropped me off and headed to work. This was Tuesday morning. The next time I saw him was Wednesday after work.
By then he had a flying lesson booked for Friday at the local airport.
The flying lesson was a smashing success.
When I asked him about the lesson, the first thing he said was, “It gave me a ton of confidence.”
His skills hadn’t left him (in the 21 years since he had last flown).
He had a blast and is set for his next lesson this week.
Tribal Mindset: Do things you love. Build confidence. And keep going down that path.
I left Rhode Island seeing two monster wins for people in my family.
And here’s the best part: these weren’t one-and-dones
There’s a fall marathon coming up and another flying lesson.
The entire point of endurance isn’t to get fit and cross finish lines.
It’s to live life on your terms.
Endurance is just the best way to build the skills you need to do so.
And when you buy into the process, sooner or later these skills get picked up by the people around you.
Keep going.
YEAH!! Do hard things
You never know what you might do that can inspire another person.